Post by Anthony Caffrey on Jul 2, 2015 19:57:02 GMT -5
Caffrey is already standing in the ring. It’s a small ring he’s standing in, and around him is maybe a hundred fans at most. He is next to a table with a dish on it. The dish is covered. His t-shirt says “The Real Thing”. He is booed as the crowd settles down.
He seems to have put on weight.
Caffrey: I came out tonight to do two things: to apologize and to eat a mop. I know which one you came here to to see, but I’ve gotta get the other thing out there.
A "mop" chant breaks out. Caffrey lets it run its course before speaking again.
Caffrey: It was a long, long season, some of the longest six months of my life. I was away from the ring longer than I wanted to be, and when I was in the ring, I royally sucked. I took my anger out on anything I could - technicians, wrestlers in the back, referees, the Front Office, and the GWA fans.
Caffrey: I lost a lot. I have far more knowledge of arena lighting systems than I’d ever like to have. I sat in denial - how could I, at the brisk age of twenty-seven, be over the hill already? This was absolutely atrocious wrestling I was doing, three seasons in to my career. I should be good by now, nay, great - I should be World Champion and I’m losing to the up and comers. Badly. The GWA got up and passed me by.
Caffrey: My submissions got weaker. I used to go around bragging about breaking ankles and I think I added one ankle to my resume last season. When I made my debut, I was hailed for my ability to go 45 minutes on any day of the week. Now that’s a thing that everyone can do, a qualifier, not an exception. I would go into the back and punch walls, because for some reason I just couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t figure out who the hell was keeping me down until I started dressing as a carnival barker.
Caffrey: Silly and stupid, I thought I’d have to dress like that once and then I’d have a tag team partner, and we’d go dominate the Shadows and I’d be addressing you as a GWA World Tag Team champion. Week two I thought the first week was a fluke, and week three I ended up fighting Darksyde, and I took him as a partner because no one else would take me. I had no friends. That realization hit me worse than any finisher I’ve ever been hit with. Nobody talks to me in the back unless they have to.
My attitude and my way of doing things was keeping me down.
Caffrey: And so tonight...God...tonight I’m opening my mouth and saying sorry. Not to the people in the back, but to you, GWA fans. I’m saying sorry for everything I’ve said in the past six months or so. I’m not above you. I’m like you. Hard-working guy, bills to pay, I have a cat if that helps anybody - and a desire and a passion for wrestling. I’ve let my mouth and my attitude get in the way of our relationship, a friendship that I miss. No, not for merchandising purposes - but because there’s something to that feeling that when I get asked if I have a corner in the beginning of my matches, it’s nice to know that Joe and Sue from New York, little Timmy from Rhode Island, Kevin from Cleveland, anybody, it’s nice to know that someone has my back. And I have to support you, as well.
Caffrey: I’m not apologizing to any GWA wrestler tonight. I respect them - I respect all of them, something they spent the last season relentlessly beating into me - but I don’t like any of you when we get into this ring. I will work with you outside of the ring, in it - I know I still need a tag team partner, and the Riot is on Sunday and all of us without tag teams and families are gonna get thrown out by those who do - but when it’s me vs. you, I don’t care if these people cheer you, I only care if they cheer me and I fight for them and I wrestle because little Anthony from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania grew up watching wrestling and he’s dreamt of being World Champion since the age of 8 when he saw the greats wrestle and his Dad saved up the hard-earned money to take him to see it in person.
Caffrey keeps rallying off words. The crowd is listening eagerly as he gets louder and faster.
Caffrey: I don’t have the right to talk a big game anymore, but when we get in the ring, or when I get on this microphone, I will spit the fire that translates directly from my passion for this industry. People who are lazy, who don’t put in the work you and I do. People who are crowned before they’ve earned it, the snobby little brats who get all the credit before they’ve done anything worth getting credit for. People who have the opportunity to stand up for themselves and choose not to, who hide in the shadows because they’re too scared of putting their big boy pants on and walking to the ring by themselves. People who don’t care as much as I do, those people who don’t have this, this desire. And, cover your kiddie’s ears, folks…also, people who are just assholes.
The crowd pops.
Caffrey: The Riot in the Ring is this Sunday, June 5th. I want this contract more than anyone else. If anyone wants to go to the last two with me, hop on and I’ll take you, but don’t be surprised when I dump you over the rope like yesterday’s garbage. I want the GWA World Championship. I crave it. It’s going to be mine because I’m going to work my ass off for it. And while I may have a few bumps and delays on this road I’m setting down, the end is in sight. And God help ANYONE standing in our way.
The crowd cheers loudly, but the segment is not over.
Caffrey: I’m not a religious man, though, and I ask you to pray for me. This is the first and last time I intend to eat humble mop. Please have mercy on me as I do this.
Caffrey lifts the cover off of his dish. It has a mop. The handle has been removed. Caffrey grabs a fork and a knife after his last line. A “mop” chant has broken out.
Caffrey: This is the last time I’m eating humble mop.
Caffrey cuts himself a piece and closes his eyes as a slow rumble builds up. The rumble turns into elation as Caffrey puts the piece in his mouth. The disgust in Caffrey’s mouth is palpable, and the arena can still hear him talk.
Caffrey: This is disgusting. Oh my God.
Maybe I should've covered in condi-condiments like that kid in that book.
Caffrey coughs as he cuts himself another piece. He swallows and shakes his head violently.
Caffrey: I think someone cleaned the floor with this. Or floors! Eeeewwww.
Caffrey shoves another piece in. He gags.
Caffrey: Hold it down, hold it down. C’mon.
Caffrey struggles to swallow the second piece, but manages to do so.
Caffrey: Third piece. Oh...maybe if I just go bigger this will end sooner.
Caffrey cuts himself up a big piece of mop. He attempts to shovel it in.
Caffrey: Bad idea, bad idea!
Caffrey immediately gets up from the table. He gags again as he reaches the ropes. The camera pans away as the sound of throwing-up is heard. A loud moaning is heard as the crowd cheers.
He seems to have put on weight.
Caffrey: I came out tonight to do two things: to apologize and to eat a mop. I know which one you came here to to see, but I’ve gotta get the other thing out there.
A "mop" chant breaks out. Caffrey lets it run its course before speaking again.
Caffrey: It was a long, long season, some of the longest six months of my life. I was away from the ring longer than I wanted to be, and when I was in the ring, I royally sucked. I took my anger out on anything I could - technicians, wrestlers in the back, referees, the Front Office, and the GWA fans.
Caffrey: I lost a lot. I have far more knowledge of arena lighting systems than I’d ever like to have. I sat in denial - how could I, at the brisk age of twenty-seven, be over the hill already? This was absolutely atrocious wrestling I was doing, three seasons in to my career. I should be good by now, nay, great - I should be World Champion and I’m losing to the up and comers. Badly. The GWA got up and passed me by.
Caffrey: My submissions got weaker. I used to go around bragging about breaking ankles and I think I added one ankle to my resume last season. When I made my debut, I was hailed for my ability to go 45 minutes on any day of the week. Now that’s a thing that everyone can do, a qualifier, not an exception. I would go into the back and punch walls, because for some reason I just couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t figure out who the hell was keeping me down until I started dressing as a carnival barker.
Caffrey: Silly and stupid, I thought I’d have to dress like that once and then I’d have a tag team partner, and we’d go dominate the Shadows and I’d be addressing you as a GWA World Tag Team champion. Week two I thought the first week was a fluke, and week three I ended up fighting Darksyde, and I took him as a partner because no one else would take me. I had no friends. That realization hit me worse than any finisher I’ve ever been hit with. Nobody talks to me in the back unless they have to.
My attitude and my way of doing things was keeping me down.
Caffrey: And so tonight...God...tonight I’m opening my mouth and saying sorry. Not to the people in the back, but to you, GWA fans. I’m saying sorry for everything I’ve said in the past six months or so. I’m not above you. I’m like you. Hard-working guy, bills to pay, I have a cat if that helps anybody - and a desire and a passion for wrestling. I’ve let my mouth and my attitude get in the way of our relationship, a friendship that I miss. No, not for merchandising purposes - but because there’s something to that feeling that when I get asked if I have a corner in the beginning of my matches, it’s nice to know that Joe and Sue from New York, little Timmy from Rhode Island, Kevin from Cleveland, anybody, it’s nice to know that someone has my back. And I have to support you, as well.
Caffrey: I’m not apologizing to any GWA wrestler tonight. I respect them - I respect all of them, something they spent the last season relentlessly beating into me - but I don’t like any of you when we get into this ring. I will work with you outside of the ring, in it - I know I still need a tag team partner, and the Riot is on Sunday and all of us without tag teams and families are gonna get thrown out by those who do - but when it’s me vs. you, I don’t care if these people cheer you, I only care if they cheer me and I fight for them and I wrestle because little Anthony from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania grew up watching wrestling and he’s dreamt of being World Champion since the age of 8 when he saw the greats wrestle and his Dad saved up the hard-earned money to take him to see it in person.
Caffrey keeps rallying off words. The crowd is listening eagerly as he gets louder and faster.
Caffrey: I don’t have the right to talk a big game anymore, but when we get in the ring, or when I get on this microphone, I will spit the fire that translates directly from my passion for this industry. People who are lazy, who don’t put in the work you and I do. People who are crowned before they’ve earned it, the snobby little brats who get all the credit before they’ve done anything worth getting credit for. People who have the opportunity to stand up for themselves and choose not to, who hide in the shadows because they’re too scared of putting their big boy pants on and walking to the ring by themselves. People who don’t care as much as I do, those people who don’t have this, this desire. And, cover your kiddie’s ears, folks…also, people who are just assholes.
The crowd pops.
Caffrey: The Riot in the Ring is this Sunday, June 5th. I want this contract more than anyone else. If anyone wants to go to the last two with me, hop on and I’ll take you, but don’t be surprised when I dump you over the rope like yesterday’s garbage. I want the GWA World Championship. I crave it. It’s going to be mine because I’m going to work my ass off for it. And while I may have a few bumps and delays on this road I’m setting down, the end is in sight. And God help ANYONE standing in our way.
The crowd cheers loudly, but the segment is not over.
Caffrey: I’m not a religious man, though, and I ask you to pray for me. This is the first and last time I intend to eat humble mop. Please have mercy on me as I do this.
Caffrey lifts the cover off of his dish. It has a mop. The handle has been removed. Caffrey grabs a fork and a knife after his last line. A “mop” chant has broken out.
Caffrey: This is the last time I’m eating humble mop.
Caffrey cuts himself a piece and closes his eyes as a slow rumble builds up. The rumble turns into elation as Caffrey puts the piece in his mouth. The disgust in Caffrey’s mouth is palpable, and the arena can still hear him talk.
Caffrey: This is disgusting. Oh my God.
Maybe I should've covered in condi-condiments like that kid in that book.
Caffrey coughs as he cuts himself another piece. He swallows and shakes his head violently.
Caffrey: I think someone cleaned the floor with this. Or floors! Eeeewwww.
Caffrey shoves another piece in. He gags.
Caffrey: Hold it down, hold it down. C’mon.
Caffrey struggles to swallow the second piece, but manages to do so.
Caffrey: Third piece. Oh...maybe if I just go bigger this will end sooner.
Caffrey cuts himself up a big piece of mop. He attempts to shovel it in.
Caffrey: Bad idea, bad idea!
Caffrey immediately gets up from the table. He gags again as he reaches the ropes. The camera pans away as the sound of throwing-up is heard. A loud moaning is heard as the crowd cheers.
Caffrey after eating that last big chunk of dirty 
